Have you ever made a decision that could significantly change your future? I'm sure it happened more than once. Fate also confronted my friend with a difficult choice. Natalie had long dreamed of having a second child, preferably a girl. Bows, braids, dresses... But I just couldn’t accomplish my plans.
My son has already entered first, second...fifth grade. Over the years, the desire to have a daughter began to fade. Suddenly, like a bolt from the blue - pregnancy! It seemed like one would be happy, but the age is no longer quite suitable - 42 years. Give birth or have an abortion?
Interesting information: Do you need a second child? Pros and cons
Natasha came running to me for advice, knowing that I had a classmate who had become a very respected gynecologist. I called a classmate, outlined the essence of the problem and asked for advice on what to do for my friend. The first thing he said: “Let him immediately visit a gynecologist.” Then he briefly spoke about the problems of women giving birth after 40 and answered our questions. If you are interested in what the specialist said, read the article.
How does age affect pregnancy?
In the 20th century, a 28-year-old woman in labor was called an old-timer. In the 21st century, such a concept does not exist. Nowadays you won’t surprise anyone if your first child is born at 40 years old. Therefore, if you want to give birth, give birth! But be sure to go through all the necessary examinations and weigh the pros and cons. After all, we don’t get any younger over the years. By age 40, many people begin to develop chronic illnesses, including diabetes. We also have to remember more and more often about pressure surges, back pain, and joint pain.
Are you one of the lucky ones who are not yet aware of such health problems? Amazing! But, at any stage of pregnancy, diabetes, hypertension, and bleeding may unexpectedly appear.
At 35-40 years old, postpartum complications are 20% more likely to occur.
There is good news: modern medicine is able to recognize any pregnancy disorders in the early stages. This means that the chance of having a healthy child after 40 years increases.
The best tips on how to get pregnant faster
Don't despair if you want to have a child
Of course, sex is considered very important in conception. Sex should be enjoyed and as often as possible. There are some of the most effective positions in which the sperm enters the uterus more deeply.
It is believed that the “behind” position is the most effective, since a man in this position will be able to penetrate the deepest and the sperm will get as far as possible in the uterus. If we talk about the “on top” position, then there is not so much penetration, but after ejaculation you will be able to raise your hips, and thus the sperm will not be able to flow out of the uterus.
Many doctors advise raising your legs up immediately after intercourse. You can simply put a pillow under your hips, or you can take a birch position so that the sperm does not leak out. It is advisable to sit in this position for at least half an hour.
Also, you shouldn’t run to the shower immediately after having sex. Few people know that water washes away a large number of sperm. It is also worth noting that when sperm come into contact with soap suds for a minute, the sperm become completely inactive.
Don't worry about age and deny yourself the chance to have a child. A lot of women give birth to a child even after forty. In addition, it is believed that post-term women are much more attentive to their children than younger mothers. Also, by the age of forty, women are already completely ready to devote themselves to a child, since, most likely, they have already built a career and seen the world. Despite the statistics, you should hope and not stop trying to get pregnant, despite the difficulties, since many believe that after forty, life is just beginning.
Many modern women postpone having a child due to study and career. As a result, pregnancy and childbirth occur at a fairly advanced age. Today, this situation no longer surprises anyone, but still, the expectant mother needs to know what to pay attention to, because pregnancy and childbirth at 43 years old is stressful for the body.
Does the risk of having a caesarean section increase as you get older?
Giving birth at 42 years old - my friend was very interested in the doctors’ opinion on this matter. It turned out that there was no relationship between the age of the woman in labor and the frequency of surgical intervention. The casarean section rate is approximately the same for 30-year-olds and 40-year-olds. However, in fact, doctors often play it safe and do a caesarean section.
More advanced gynecologists recommend that first-time mothers after 40 years of age have a natural birth. Previously, even if the pregnancy was normal, 43% of women had a cesarean section. Although, it has been proven that after a natural birth, the body recovers faster and there are almost no problems with breastfeeding. The issue was reconsidered and the Ministry of Health issued a special order, which strongly recommended the use of cesarean section only in cases of severe pathologies.
Should I give birth at 40 and should I plan a pregnancy at this age?
British scientists were interested in conducting a survey on the level of awareness of men and women regarding their ability to bear children. The scientists were shocked by the results because half of the women answered only 6 out of 16 questions regarding fertility correctly.
In 90% of cases, it turned out that respondents believed that the method of fertilization with their own eggs helps to give birth before menopause. Slightly fewer people believe that it is after the age of 30 that a woman reaches physical health, when she is most capable of fertilization. Actually this is not true.
Any pregnancy should be planned, but even more so at 40 years of age. If a woman decides to get pregnant, at least 3 months before she needs to visit a gynecologist and undergo all the necessary tests, plus consultation with some specialists.
A woman at the age of 40 should be given the go-ahead for pregnancy by specialists such as a mammologist, endocrinologist, cardiologist and therapist, and a man must undergo a full examination by a urologist.
A woman will undergo a procedure to determine her ovulatory reserve and, in principle, the readiness of her ovaries for ovulation. In the same way, experts determine the proximity of menopause. And only when the whole picture in general becomes clear, a decision is made on each specific case.
What is the probability of miscarriage in women after 40?
For young mothers, the risk of miscarriage is only 10%; in the period from 30 to 39 years old it increases to 17%. By the age of 40-44 it is 33%, in more mature women it reaches 50%. Hence the conclusion: the older the expectant mother, the less often she manages to bear and give birth to a baby. What is this connected with? The female body ages, and the eggs age along with it. As a result, the conception of a fetus often occurs with serious genetic disorders, and this leads to miscarriage.
There is a small plus: if a woman under 40 has not had a miscarriage, then the risk that this will happen is much lower than for those who have experienced a similar phenomenon.
Geriatric mother
At that time, this term seemed implausible and comical to her. Moreover, it did not reflect the fact that women over the age of 40 give birth more often than teenagers. “I felt young and healthy. And I thought I looked the same. I definitely didn’t consider myself a geriatric mother.”
The woman’s opinion changed after numerous attempts to have a second child. “I put off the opportunity to become a mother for the second time because the time was not right for this: I lost my job, personal problems began, and my father died.”
At 44, she finally gave birth to her second child, daughter Elena. But what was the price of another motherhood? The last five years of the heroine’s life were simply terrible: desperate melancholy and broken hopes, miscarriages, fertility drugs and pain - both physical and emotional.
Over the past 30 years, the number of pregnant women aged 40 years has increased from 12,000 (in 1990) to 29,000 per year. But these dry numbers hide the fact that older women really have little chance of conceiving a child. Late motherhood often comes with a painful backstory.
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Can the age of the mother affect the development of the child?
The likelihood that after 40 years a woman will give birth to a baby with developmental disabilities or Down syndrome is quite high. But there is still a chance to bear a healthy toddler. Modern prenatal diagnostics in early pregnancy can identify possible abnormalities. If doctors say that the fetus is normal, you can give birth with confidence that everything will be fine.
We recommend reading: How to find out that you are expecting twins?
Numerous medical studies prove that the majority of women who decide to have a late birth give birth to healthy children.
Why can't I get pregnant with my second child?
How to get pregnant if it doesn’t work out is perplexing to spouses who were thinking about conceiving a second child when they are already over 30, and it is at this age that it is difficult for a woman to become pregnant a second time.
This is due to changes occurring in the female body:
- Reproductive function begins to slow down, and ovulation failures occur. Sometimes the restoration of this function after the first birth is delayed for several years, and with age the frequency of ovulation decreases. They occur after several cycles (3-4 times a year), the number of maturing eggs decreases, and the quality of a man’s sperm also changes. Pregnancy does not occur: age is to blame.
- Metabolic disease. If a woman has gained a lot of weight or lost weight after her first birth, her metabolism may be disrupted, making conception impossible.
- Women's diseases: inflammation, fibroids. During such diseases, the appendages and tubes are affected, scars appear in the uterus, so pregnancy does not occur.
- Stressful situations make it difficult to conceive: the body releases cortisol, a hormone that creates chaos in reproductive function.
What did my friend do?
She thought for a long time about whether or not to give birth to a child at 42 years old. All the relatives unanimously repeated - give birth! The husband was also glad that there would be a baby in the family. But Natasha just couldn’t make a decision. At 35 and even at 39, she would have given birth without hesitation. But now I really didn’t want to change the established way of life: my son was already independent (he had recovered from childhood illnesses, diapers and sleepless nights had long been forgotten), a stable salary, the opportunity to relax at the sea every summer...
In addition, the kidneys sometimes act up, my back hurts and my blood pressure fluctuates a couple of times a month. How to bear and give birth to a healthy child with such problems? At the same time, I really want to babysit the baby! And the eldest wouldn’t grow up to be such an egoist...
After much thought, Natalie decided to have an abortion. What would you do in a similar situation?
Dietary recommendations for pregnancy
To achieve pregnancy, it is necessary to consume foods containing microelements and vitamins.
They are not produced by the body; the source of vitamins is food:
- beans, cereals, nuts, carrots, spinach, potatoes contain vitamin B1, which normalizes the activity of the nervous system of the expectant mother;
- In order for the formation of bones and nerve endings of the unborn child to proceed correctly, a woman’s body must contain large amounts of B2. This vitamin is found in eggs, liver, milk, cabbage, tomatoes;
- eggs, caviar, sprouted wheat grains are a storehouse of vitamins necessary for a new life;
- vegetable oil is a source of vitamin E. This component is unique because it helps restore the menstrual cycle and egg maturation.
How to get pregnant if you can’t, the body really needs folic acid. Pregnancy will not occur if the expectant mother’s body lacks folic acid. To increase its content in the body, you can take special tablets.
Folic acid is also found in many foods:
- in vegetable leaves - spinach, lettuce, dill;
- in buckwheat and oatmeal;
- in almost all vegetables - among them pumpkin, beans, peas;
- in some types of fish - tuna, salmon;
- in eggs, milk, kefir, cottage cheese.
Nothing indicated an imminent birth
On Thursday, which marked the 42nd week, after the next Aqua class, for some reason everyone said goodbye to me, until “recovery” (this is a postpartum course with already born babies in the same family center). So, in the rhythm of the rumba, we reached the 42nd week and 1 day.
Suddenly I began to feel uneasy. The day was coming to an end, and I had not given birth yet.
Why? Maybe the gynecologist was right, and labor won’t start on its own?
– I involuntarily thought.
Boring assumptions from friends and relatives about a post-term pregnancy and its consequences were constantly buzzing in my head . Nerves, tears... “Aqua” was just yesterday, which means there are still 5 days until Tuesday, which is an eternity...
It was as if two entities settled inside me: an imp and an angel. The first one talked about post-term pregnancy, the second one read all kinds of articles about prolonged pregnancy and, in the absence of a support group, looked at forums for pregnant women whose term had exceeded 42 weeks.
By the end of the day, I still managed to overcome confusion, uncertainty and fear. Together with my “non-pregnant” friend, we went to Komsomolskoye Lake, where, together with the ducks and their brood, we rinsed our feet in the water and enjoyed the evening.
So Thursday came - my belly and I celebrated 43 weeks
Another aqua gymnastics.
Don’t you dare go to the maternity hospital, don’t give up, you’re great, everything is as it should be! They will induce you, labor will be weak, you will suffer for 6-8 hours, and in the end they will give you a Caesarean
This approximate scenario was described to me by my tummy buddies.
Oddly enough, I calmed down and let the situation go. On Friday, my husband pointed out a flat tire on my car. And my friend saw this as another sign: it means I won’t go anywhere again. Maybe there is something in this after all...
Delivery room... Strict midwife...
“Husband, where is my husband?”; “Between my husband’s legs!” - was heard above me.
After the victory we had once, we were not going to suffer defeat now! The thing is that we didn’t meet the deadlines for the courses on preparing for partner childbirth...
According to the rules of the maternity hospital, registration is made no later than 27 weeks. At 35, I assured everyone with whom I had to talk on the phone that we vitally needed a certificate! And we finally found a place in the express group!
And now, perseverance, calm and common sense outweighed the tricky remarks of the medical staff. We were together at the most crucial hour.
During childbirth, there were moments when I thought I couldn’t cope... Thanks to my dearly loved person, my husband, partner. Together we did it! His support is difficult to overestimate.
Nina Leonidovna, a strict midwife, whom I recognized as one of the “aunties in a colorful robe,” did not miss the opportunity to tease me... I did not react and, with the spontaneity of a child, asked her to help me! Behind the impenetrable and unapproachable exterior, I knew, she was a sensitive and kindest woman!
“I will not go to any maternity hospital!” – with these words I wrote a refusal to be hospitalized
“Tomorrow is Thursday, and my belly and I are going to the pool,” she added as a farewell.
Of course, I have discussed this topic more than once with Yulia, the director of the family center. As befits a pregnant female, having received an approving reaction, I relaxed.
This was the golden time - the period of pregnancy! I enjoyed waiting for my little miracle and didn’t want to rush anything. This is where our journey began with a responsibility that lies with no one .
Although, it’s not entirely true: on no one but me. Whatever one may say, in most cases pregnant women unquestioningly obey all doctors’ orders. After all, this is convenient and understandable for us, although it is far from always true in relation to each of us specifically.
And doctors also have their own instructions and responsibilities... Maybe this is precisely the point - a responsibility that does not allow an objective assessment of the situation. But I'm lucky! By the will of fate, I fell into the right hands, and then I still didn’t know what role Yulia Gusakovskaya would play for me. Having returned from a wonderful ski holiday, I signed up at the center for courses on preparing for childbirth and breastfeeding.
It was mega-super-hyperinformative, sincere and positive. And my beloved husband, after attending a lecture for dads, offered me a partner birth!
Friends, among those who had come to terms with my “carelessness,” vied with each other to make predictions about the due date and gender of the baby (we deliberately did not find out who we were expecting). At the same time, everyone claimed that it was HE “Baba Vanga” and it was his signs that were the most correct, and his instincts the most sensitive!
It’s easy to say “don’t cry”, we are already 42 weeks and 5 days
“Quickly go to your support group,” he declared, and I went to the Aqua.
God help you! On the way, I went to church; in response to all the questions from the grandmother-servant, I could only squeeze out of myself, choking in snot: “We are almost 43 weeks old, and the baby is in no hurry to appear.”
Hearing the comforting words that kept me afloat, I hurried to the aqua.
Tuesday, I promised my baby that today would be the last time I would take him to the pool, with the caveat that if he showed up before the end of this week, then we would come again on Thursday. Time passed unnoticed as always, we talked and joked...
How else can you respond to the question: “What if labor doesn’t start?” “You won’t stay pregnant,” the girls joked, “and at 44 weeks they give birth to strong, healthy babies!”
The last phrase terrified me...
