The presence of a husband next to his wife during childbirth is usually called partner (or joint) childbirth. Not so long ago this would have been out of the question. In extreme cases, the husband could be somewhere in the hospital corridor or lobby and anxiously wait for the doctor to appear with the long-awaited message about the safe birth of his son or daughter. However, not so long ago (first in Western Europe and America, and more recently in Russia), the husband received the right to be with his wife at the most crucial and exciting moment - when the wife gives birth to a child. This is what is called partner birth.
What is partner childbirth and how to get permission for it
Partner birth is the process of giving birth to a child, which is accompanied by the presence of a partner in the delivery room.
As a rule, the husband is most often the partner, but you can take along your mother, mother-in-law, sister and any other relative with whom you want to share this moment.
From a psychological point of view, partner childbirth plays an important role in bringing spouses closer together and in the relationship between child and father.
The birth of a child in the presence of relatives is a new phenomenon for maternity hospitals, so in some provincial perinatal centers they sometimes refuse this service, because there are no special rooms.
Modern legislation stipulates that this service should be free, but often it is included in the “paid package” of childbirth.
In order to obtain permission for partner childbirth you must:
- consent of the husband or other partner;
- a statement from the expectant mother, certified by the signature of the chief physician or deputy of the perinatal center;
- test results of a relative for AIDS, syphilis, hepatitis B, hepatitis C, fluorography.
- the husband must have with him a set of clean change of clothes and shoes;
- It is necessary to undergo training in joint childbirth at the school of future parents or independently.
In order to attend the birth together with the expectant mother, it is enough to provide the necessary health documents and an application addressed to the head physician.
Psychological preparation is not a mandatory step, but skipping it is not recommended. The partner must be prepared for what he is about to see.
How to prepare for a partner birth
Preparation for a partner birth consists of several stages:
- mutual decision and agreement;
- psychological preparation;
- confirmation of health status.
The consent of both parties to be present together during childbirth is a fundamental issue. You definitely need to discuss with your husband all the pros and cons of giving birth together. And only after that make a decision and the possibility of his presence.
Sometimes women try to convince their husband to be with her at the time of the birth of the child through manipulation and pressure. This is obviously a wrong step. A man may not be psychologically ready to see this process and this will become a serious test for him.
If the spouse at the first stage agreed to a partner birth, then you need to thoroughly study the process of childbirth and prepare for it.
Currently, there are a large number of benefits for joint childbirth. This could be a book, brochure, video, or school training for young parents.
It is advisable to study the real stories of those couples who have already gone through this.
It is worth paying special attention to what men say about childbirth, who have already been with their wife in the process of bringing a child into the world.
Confirmation of health status requires passing a mandatory medical examination. It includes tests for sexually transmitted diseases, hepatitis, and fluorography.
Sometimes a physician's opinion on admission to the maternity ward is required.
When you don’t need to take your spouse to a joint birth
In addition to the refusal of the administration of the medical institution, unsatisfactory tests and lack of documents for partner childbirth, there are reasons that indicate that you should not take a man with you to childbirth:
- the spouse is categorically against joint childbirth;
- increased emotionality of a man (if your husband is inclined to cry with you over melodrama, he is unlikely to resist the sight of blood and screams during the birth process);
- insufficient level of trust (not literally, perhaps the woman herself is not ready to appear before her husband in “this” form);
- a categorical “no” from the spouse (yes, the desire for joint childbirth is not always a woman’s initiative).
Necessary examination of a partner for admission
Each perinatal center provides its own list of tests that the husband must undergo before being present at the birth of the baby.
Typically these include:
- fluorography;
- blood test for syphilis;
- blood test for AIDS and HIV;
- hepatitis B test;
- blood test for hepatitis C;
- analysis for staphylococcus;
- therapist's conclusion.
This list may be more or less, so the expectant mother must check it with the maternity hospital.
Benefits of joint birth
The presence of the husband at the birth has a number of advantages over the usual birth of a child:
- The expectant mother feels more confident and protected in the presence of her husband or other relatives. In turn, this relieves muscle tension, and they stretch more easily.
- As a rule, doctors behave more kindly in the presence of a husband.
- The husband provides direct assistance to the woman in labor during the first stage of labor. He records the time between uterine contractions, performs massage, and assists in organizing proper breathing.
- The father has the opportunity to be the first to hold the newborn child in his arms. This often forms a very strong emotional bond between them.
In addition to the positive aspects, it is worth paying attention to the negative aspects of childbirth with your husband:
- A woman’s embarrassment due to her unaesthetic appearance during childbirth.
- Sometimes a man is not ready to see this process even after a joint decision. In such situations, a man can experience severe stress, lose consciousness, and experience disgust.
- Sometimes partner births become the cause of future problems in the intimate life of spouses.
Childbirth with a husband strengthens a marriage or interferes with sex
In recent years, the number of men attending the birth of their wife has been growing exponentially. And the most common question that young parents ask themselves is whether the process of childbirth will turn a man away from further sexual relations? How does partner childbirth affect a couple's sex life? There are several points of view:
First: After a partner childbirth, a man loses sexual attraction to his wife, since the type of childbirth and the emotional overload in the process are excessive for him.
Second: Partner childbirth brings spouses closer together - as these are the strongest positive emotions. A woman reveals herself to her husband in new, unexplored angles. Now she is not just a wife, but also the Mother of his children.
Why do so many couples decide to give birth together? In some ways it’s a tribute to fashion, more often it’s a desire to be together during this important period. Men want to be useful to their loved ones, they want to be the first to hold the heir in their arms, to feel involved in the great miracle of Birth. But, probably, everyone also thinks about what awaits them after the baby is born. How will your relationship with your wife develop in the future?
Childbirth is a kind of catalyst for the further development of relationships. Moreover, both in one direction and in the other! Today it is known that those couples in which, even before the birth of the baby, there were unresolved conflicts, attempts to divorce, serious disagreements, partner childbirth, can cool a man’s sexual fervor completely.
There are several reasons that can destroy the harmony of sexual life:
1. One of the reasons is an attempt to strengthen the family. A woman often tries to use this option if she feels that the family boat is leaking... In this case, the man cannot sincerely help his wife, showing his participation (since there are no strong feelings for his wife). Accordingly, a woman may feel very irritated with her husband, who only interferes and does not share her experiences. With his presence, he does not allow her to relax and give birth calmly.
After the birth is completed, often both experience deep disappointment in each other: the woman from unfulfilled expectations, and the man from a feeling of uselessness and negative emotions in relation to himself and, especially to the entire female fraternity...
2. Another reason is curiosity . It happens that a future dad wonders: “what is childbirth really?” Such anatomical interest may be due to the fact that men, as a rule, do not have a clear idea of childbirth. He goes to the maternity hospital as if he were going to a stadium - to a spectacle.
In such a case, the woman will usually receive no help, and the man will most likely be disappointed. This position is usually characteristic of infantile people who are unable to take responsibility. Is there any prospect for a relationship with an irresponsible man after the birth of a child, when a young mother has an expressed desire for confidence in the future?..
3. The next option is coercion on the part of the wife . For example, a man doesn’t care, and the woman makes the decision herself: “Since you can’t decide, then let’s go together. What if I suffer and suffer, and you go out with your friends? It’s better if you help me.”
In such a situation, most likely, both will fail. A man may experience extreme stress because he was not prepared for such an event, and a woman may be disappointed - instead of helping his wife, the husband lay under the birthing chair and the doctors revived him, rather than attending to the woman in labor.
4. We can’t help but mention the ill-fated tribute to fashion . After reading reviews about childbirth on the Internet and listening to friends, you may want to go through a similar experience yourself. “Why are we weak or something?” But it should be remembered that such a decision can only be made after special preparation for childbirth: watching films with comments from an obstetrician or psychologist, trying to understand your feelings and desires.
Otherwise, there may be disappointment and, instead of joint rejoicing, mutual reproaches and an unpleasant aftertaste in the soul.
Only an observer One of the most difficult options for a man may be the position of an observer. It happens that at the moment of the birth of a child, for some reason a man is asked to leave the birth block, and he watches the birth process from the corridor, for example, through glass. In this case, the young dad is busy contemplating the physiological “process of expulsion of the fetus,” which cannot be called an aesthetic spectacle. In addition, he sees his wife’s torment and feels helpless.
In this case, a psychological barrier to sex may arise - a subconscious fear of dooming the woman you love again to such suffering.
Active ParticipantIf the future dad takes an active position: he breathes with his wife, gives her water, helps to hold her back while pushing, then he is busy with business, and he simply has no time and no need to evaluate his wife’s behavior and appearance. In this case, there is no need to say that there may be “something wrong” with sex.
Here we have listed the main situations in which difficulties may arise in sex and in family life in general after the birth of a child.
Forewarned is forearmed
Basically, with the exception of the last situation, this is not a very prosperous state of the family to begin with. But there is also a positive option for partner childbirth, which ensures the future well-being of sexual life. If a man goes to childbirth with a clear understanding of this process: read relevant books, preferably with illustrations, went to partner training courses for childbirth, watched films, talked with “ experienced” colleagues in the shop, then he knows exactly when and how he can help his beloved. As a rule, a good trusting relationship in a couple, a desire to take care of each other in difficult moments of life, are an excellent basis for living the birth of a baby together without unpleasant consequences for intimate relationships.
How do you feel about childbirth with your husband? Do you think this strengthens the family or spoils sexual relationships?
Olga Danilova - perinatal psychologist of the Future Parents Club "MAM-Studio" of the OGO-Gorod family center (World of Childhood holding)
The role of the husband during joint childbirth
Many argue that a man or other relatives should not be with a woman in labor, because they will only interfere with medical personnel. This opinion is wrong.
Partner assistance during childbirth:
- moral support for a woman;
- help maintain contact between the doctor and the laboring woman;
- protecting the interests of women and children;
- providing natural pain relief techniques in the form of massage and breathing;
- assistance in caring for a newborn baby.
How can your partner help during childbirth?
- A man can time the time between contractions. Let the woman not be distracted by this matter, she has something to do.
- The husband should remind his wife to relax.
- The assistant can “breathe” with the woman to alleviate her condition and make the birth process easier and faster. To do this, he must be familiar with various breathing techniques.
- If necessary, the man should give the woman in labor a massage to relieve tension from the lower back.
- A partner can help in choosing a good position and, in some cases, be a real support for the woman. She, in turn, for her own convenience, can hang on her partner in the literal sense of the word.
- The assistant creates a calm and favorable environment, praises and encourages the woman in labor.
- A man can be very helpful in matters not directly related to childbirth. For example, he can bring or carry something, buy the necessary medicine at the pharmacy, give him something to drink, call a doctor, etc.
Whatever decision you make when planning to give birth, remember that it must be thoughtful and mutual. Only in this case is a good course of labor and a happy family life in the future possible. Have an easy birth, mom and dad!
Especially for beremennost.net – Tanya Kivezhdiy
How does a partner birth work?
In order to provide all the necessary assistance in full, you need to know how partner childbirth takes place.
They include 3 periods:
- Start of contractions. At this stage, it is recommended to actively change your position, choosing the one in which the painful sensations appear less. It is not recommended to lie down for a long time, because... this slows down the process of cervical dilatation. During this period, the partner can provide active assistance in the form of massage, breathing and moral support.
- Start pushing. Attempts open the active phase of fetal expulsion. At this point, the woman should take a position so that the obstetricians can comfortably deliver the baby. If desired, during this period the husband can leave the delivery room and return after the baby is born. After the baby is born, the spouse can cut the umbilical cord and take the newborn in his arms.
- Birth of the placenta. At this moment, the woman no longer feels severe pain. The process takes place under the supervision of doctors. Dad can go out or be with the child.
In situations where there is a complication in the delivery process or a caesarean section is required, the partner is asked to leave the delivery room.
Why is a husband needed during childbirth?
It was American gynecologists, in particular Robert Bradley, who were the first to advocate for the presence of the child’s father during childbirth. For a long time, this doctor was engaged in a thorough study of the process of natural childbirth, which occurs without the use of pharmacological drugs and any medical intervention in the natural course of events.
And it was this obstetrician-gynecologist who was the first to discover the fact, widely known in our time, that a woman’s maximum attentive attitude to her internal sensations, correct breathing and the maximum possible relaxation of all the muscles of the body in a given situation can greatly increase the chance that during childbirth there will be no there will be no unforeseen complications, for example, weakening of labor, perineal ruptures and bleeding.
It goes without saying that during the process of childbirth, a woman is frightened and depressed by intense pain. And in this state, very few women are able to maintain composure and control over the situation. And at this very moment, the help of your beloved man will come in handy.
A man has an extremely important role during childbirth. In most maternity hospitals, a significant number of women give birth every day. And the medical personnel who work in the maternity ward, with all their desire, often do not have the opportunity not only to constantly be near the giving birth woman, but even just to visit her often. And the feeling of loneliness is not a woman’s best companion these days. And the presence of a husband at the birth, who knows exactly what to do at one time or another, will come in handy.
In order to reduce pain at the peak of contractions, a husband can give his wife a special massage, which should be learned in advance. Also, at the peak of contractions, most women lose control over proper breathing - the husband can help the woman breathe exactly as needed at the moment, and taking the most comfortable position will also help.
But the most important role in partner childbirth is played by moral support. Who else knows his wife better than a husband? Who can find the necessary words to support and give confidence in their abilities? In addition, in most cases, a woman during childbirth perceives the words and instructions of her husband much better, and not of doctors and midwives, no matter how strange this fact may seem at first glance. Psychologists explain this phenomenon by the reactive state of a woman’s psyche during childbirth. Doctors can give more than one example where, thanks to the husband’s participation in childbirth, various interventions in the natural process of childbirth were avoided.
In what cases is partner childbirth not recommended?
Numerous psychological and medical studies have shown that some men are better off refraining from being present during the birth of a child. You should not go to childbirth with your wife if:
- There are bad or difficult relationships between the spouses in the family. In such a situation, instead of the expected support, a woman may receive an outburst of negativity and irritation.
- The spouses are not officially married. In this case, the woman’s sense of instability may worsen and conflict may arise.
- A man does not perceive the sight of blood, does not tolerate pain and other medical situations that are devoid of aesthetics. In such a situation, the spouse may behave inappropriately and interfere with the process.
- The man is a dictator. Most likely, a woman in such a situation will not receive support, but instructions and instructions on what she is doing wrong.
If one of the listed phenomena is present in the family, then partner childbirth is not the best solution. You should not expect that a bad relationship with your husband will improve after his stay at the birth. Most likely, the woman will be disappointed and the problem will worsen.
Partner birth is a modern trend in perinatal practice. They are quite important aspects of building family relationships and strengthening the bond between father and child.
In order for the process to be successful and leave only tender memories, you need to know well what is needed for a partner birth and prepare for it.
If your spouse is not ready to participate in this event, you should not insist or put pressure on him. Only a joint decision and voluntary desire will make this process successful.
