How not to be afraid of childbirth? Any pregnant woman, approaching childbirth, is looking for ways to overcome fear. It’s natural to be afraid of childbirth, but especially if it’s your first time. Having received the news about pregnancy, the girl experiences a wide range of feelings. Only on the movie screen is this shown as extreme delight, a state of bliss and euphoria. However, in reality, the most mature person is not ready for such drastic changes. This is where anxiety arises in any woman, trying to predict how life will change, whether she should be afraid of childbirth, I’m afraid of pain during childbirth. An alarming background takes a lot of energy and wastes energy.
At the same time, the instinct of motherhood turns on in a woman, which helps to overcome anxiety related to pregnancy, while it is more difficult for a man. Therefore, it is worth waiting time and providing the opportunity for this new parental role to mature. Don’t expect a violent reaction of joy from a man at the news that he will soon be a father. On the contrary, treat this with understanding, recognize an important turning point in life, giving time to process the event calmly.
How not to be afraid of childbirth - advice from a psychologist
Often, having learned about the future appearance of an heir, people begin to rapidly prepare their material base, from renovating an apartment to relaxing in a sanatorium. However, psychologists focus on the point that it is important to prepare the internal psychological space for the birth of a child. To prepare this base for an easy, smooth and productive birth, make and display your family tree in a visible place, you can draw or even paint your family tree regularly. This also includes the transfer from the grandmother, for example, of jewelry as material signs of “you and I, for you, we love you.” After all, visual stimuli are very important, they will give you strength through the awareness of yourself as part of the family, its continuation and the patterns of your pregnancy and upcoming birth.
How not to be afraid of labor pain? Learn breathing techniques and pushing for labor and delivery. Remember, for a successful birth you need not only to wait, but also to be able to provide assistance to the child, including physically. Bring your skills to automaticity, which requires at least 21 days of training.
There is a common myth that pregnant women should not worry or worry, that pregnancy is a time when you need to focus on the positive, not notice anything negative, in fact, this means ignoring a significant part of life. The bad consequences of this myth is that as negative emotions are suppressed, the degree of experience of positive emotions also decreases. If we have removed all the negativity from life, there will be no positivity either, we will remain in an unemotional state, often leading to depression.
Therefore, it is important to experience all emotions as they are, since emotions are markers of need, they are neither bad nor good. During pregnancy, a woman experiences all life events more emotionally. When a woman becomes pregnant, the activity of her cerebral cortex, the new brain responsible for rational thinking, decreases. At the same time, a dominant of pregnancy appears in the subcortical structures of the brain - a focus of excitation, which we will see if we give the woman an MRI. Subcortical structures such as the pituitary gland and hypothalamus, which are closely connected with the limbic system, which is responsible for emotions, are activated. When we reduce the amount of emotions, we suppress them - the pituitary gland and hypothalamus also reduce their activity, and with them the amount of hormones necessary for the healthy maintenance of pregnancy decreases.
Therefore, it is important to fully experience everything that happens, it is important not to ignore any aspect of life. If the emotions that arise are complex, difficult to experience, such as pain, resentment, guilt, fear, shame, disgust - you should not pretend that they are not there, but find a way through which you will be able to be with them, interact, live them, find those people who will understand you and be able to share them with you. It’s good if these are close people, but if they are unable to provide you with psychological support, without evaluating, condemning, or advising what you should do, when you don’t ask for it, you can make a request to a psychologist, psychotherapist, doula .
How not to be afraid of childbirth? Advice from psychologists on this matter is as follows: do not try to become less worried and sensitive. On the contrary, pregnancy is a process in which many emotions rise to the surface of consciousness. Often these are previously suppressed feelings that now make themselves known to you due to changes in hormonal levels - natural physiological changes. Don't ignore, look for ways to live and transform these emotions. Most often, a woman faces fears, doubts, and uncertainty during pregnancy.
“I’m afraid of pain during childbirth,” the woman realizes. When faced with the question of how to stop being afraid of childbirth, it is not useful to turn a blind eye to your feelings, thinking that everything will pass and be resolved on its own, and, on the contrary, it is useful to look in this direction, interact with those experiences that emerge, getting to know yourself more deeply. Genuine psychological preparation consists of working with our complex feelings that can occur during pregnancy, recognizing ourselves in pregnancy, in childbirth - what are my attitudes and introjects in this regard.
Perhaps your consciousness tells you one thing - how much you want a child, how great and wonderful it is, but your emotions tell you something else, you are afraid, you are not experiencing simple, not the most pleasant feelings. Perhaps some beliefs about childbirth that you learned as a child will emerge, someone else's experience that has superimposed on your perception of pregnancy, irrational fears about yourself, the child, or the birth process in general. Psychological preparation will also help resolve the difficulties of relationships, ideally, which should be done before childbirth, so that it does not entail consequences during pregnancy. It is worth establishing relationships with your family, both your own and your husband’s family, and even with friends.
Pregnancy confronts a woman with herself; when she truly experiences it, you will find yourself closer to yourself, your feminine essence, your realization in motherhood, your body, naturalness. You may feel more wild, instinctive, emotional, open, feminine. Pay attention to the signals that come from the unconscious, from the body, because knowing yourself is always interesting and exciting, which pregnancy contributes to, like nothing else, use it as a resource.
Causes of fear of childbirth
The following reasons are identified that provoke panic in expectant mothers:
- Hormones.
- Changes in the body.
- The theme: “Afraid to have a baby” may arise from stories about how others experienced childbirth.
- Lack of awareness.
- Lack of specialist support.
- Negative experience.
- Negative attitude towards medical institutions.
- Sexual trauma.
- Material difficulties.
- Unfavorable environment.
- Psychological immaturity.
- Diseases and injuries.
- Accident of conception.
- The absence of the baby's father nearby.
Read also:
Timing of pregnancy trimesters. A woman's feelings during each trimester
According to psychologists, the root cause of all fears lies in a woman’s childhood, when she was taught that childbirth was dangerous, and the birth of a baby promised a lot of problems.
How to get ready for childbirth and not be afraid?
How to stop being afraid of childbirth? First, determine what scares you specifically, since all women are afraid of different things. Someone is afraid of pain during contractions, another is worried that not everything is ready at home for the baby’s arrival, a third is nervous about how she will take care of the baby on her own, because her husband works constantly, and her parents, for example, live far away. The point, in order to understand what exactly you are afraid of, is to not only sit and continue to be afraid of it, but to do everything in your power to avoid it. If you're worried about pain during contractions, find out what breathing techniques and poses can help ease your contractions. If you are afraid that you will not be able to cope with caring for your child on your own, find a nanny who will help you in the first stages. Once you have done everything you need to do, you will feel much calmer.
How not to be afraid of childbirth and pain? The second recommendation is not to listen to your friends and acquaintances telling stories about how they gave birth. After all, not all your friends understand why you are interested in how their birth was resolved. You learn this for the purpose of calming down. An understanding friend will put you in a positive mood, but many, on the contrary, like to embellish what happened. You, however, will not be able to know how everything really happened anyway, and there is no point in listening to these stories. Childbirth is an extremely individual process, and your birth will not be like any birth you know, and will even be different from your mother’s birth when you were born.
I'm afraid of childbirth, what should I do? Limit yourself from stories about how someone went through childbirth; you should not watch videos with details of the process or read forums of recent mothers, where each one shares her complications. Because those for whom everything went well simply do not leave reviews on the forums. If, of course, you want to have important information about the harbingers of labor, how to recognize contractions, get it from reliable sources.
If a woman is faced with the problem of “I’m afraid of pregnancy and childbirth,” then courses specifically for pregnant women will best cope with this. There are both paid classes and free lectures at the state antenatal clinic. They will competently tell you how the entire period of pregnancy and the birth process occurs; you will be able to ask questions to doctors and midwives, thus filling in any gaps in understanding that you may still have. It is important to provide yourself with a positive information background. After all, the one who masters the information owns the world.
The next recommendation is to prepare everything for the day of birth. Starting with a bag for traveling to the maternity hospital during contractions and ending with learning everything about the maternity hospital itself. Go there in advance, determine the optimal route at different times of the day, and note how long it takes to get there. In the maternity hospital itself, attend an open day or ask for a tour, show you the maternity room, wards, meet your doctor, midwife, ask all questions in advance before giving birth. And when contractions begin, you just call the doctor, he will come to the maternity hospital, and you will definitely know what you should do. Try to prepare everything you need, so that later you can simply go through the items on the list, calmly get ready and feel confident.
How to get ready for childbirth and not be afraid? When everything is ready, try to distract yourself as much as possible from thinking about future births. After all, there will always be a lot of things that need to be done before giving birth, which will not leave you time to worry. Imagine the day of childbirth not as a difficult day, but as a day, although full of work, but beautiful, which will bring you a huge reward. Women who have already gone through the maternity process remember precisely the moment of meeting their baby, which cannot be compared with anything else; emotions of joy will simply overwhelm you. Imagine also how you will celebrate this birthday every year, how you will remember it with joy. Record a video for your baby, which he can then watch, ask your husband to give you a meaningful gift that you have been waiting for a long time - make this day a holiday. This way you will be in joyful anticipation of this day, counting down the days until the planned date, as opposed to being afraid.
Why are women afraid to give birth?
Over time, any pregnant woman thinks about what awaits her during the birth process, even those who are preparing to become a mother not for the first time, because labor does not proceed according to the same scenario every time.
As the due date approaches, most expectant mothers are overcome by panic caused by the unknown and fear. In order to normalize the psycho-emotional state, it is necessary to find out the nature of the fear, as well as whether it corresponds to the real state of affairs or is a far-fetched phobia.
Fear of harming the baby during labor
Many expectant mothers are afraid that when passing through the birth canal the child feels pain, inconvenience, and discomfort. There is, of course, a certain amount of truth in this. If a woman behaves incorrectly during contractions and pushing, there is a high risk of causing some injuries to the baby.
However, in most cases, this fear is unfounded - the bones of the newborn’s skull are so soft and elastic that during the birth process they take on the most comfortable, elongated shape, which allows the baby to pass through the mother’s birth canal without any risk.
Fear of missing the start of labor
Almost every woman knows what so-called training contractions are. In essence, these are rhythmic contractions of the uterus, which are intended to prepare the cervix for the upcoming birth, that is, they have nothing directly to do with labor.
In view of this, the pregnant woman is simply afraid that she will confuse training contractions with real ones and will not have time to go to a medical facility in time. However, these abbreviations are easy to distinguish.
If contractions appear regularly, are accompanied by painful sensations, and the rest periods between them are rapidly decreasing, then it’s time to get ready for the maternity hospital.
Fear of pain
It is generally accepted that childbirth is an incredibly painful process that causes incredible suffering to a woman. This is fundamentally wrong. During the period of active labor, a large amount of the so-called “happiness hormone” enters the mother’s blood, which helps reduce pain.
But it would be wrong to say that childbirth is absolutely painless. The level of discomfort felt depends entirely on the woman’s level of preparation, as well as her behavior.
Thus, you can significantly reduce discomfort through proper breathing, as well as the ability to relax when necessary. In addition, pain of this kind tends to be forgotten at the moment when a tiny and long-awaited baby subsides on a woman’s chest.
Fear of breakups
In order to somewhat reduce the risk of their occurrence, it is necessary not only to strictly follow the doctor’s instructions, but also to pay some attention to the perineum during pregnancy, using special creams to increase tissue elasticity. Read more about ruptures during childbirth→
Fear that childbirth will occur against the background of any serious complications
Of course, no one is immune from this. However, if the pregnancy proceeds safely, without any pathologies, the likelihood that the process will go wrong is very small.
So, almost all fears of childbirth are unfounded. However, most women find it difficult to cope with them, especially those who are expecting their first baby. There are many ways to help you overcome fear and calm down.
It is imperative to use the proposed methods, since the exhausted psycho-emotional state of a pregnant woman negatively affects the child.
Childbirth preparation courses
Do you want to get moral support and be positive? Then take special courses that are held at all major clinics. Such courses can be either paid or free. They teach the information equally well, so don't think that if you pay a doctor, he'll tell you more.
What do such courses provide? The doctor explains to expectant mothers how the birth process goes step by step. The specialist says that there is no point in whining: “I’m afraid of pain during childbirth,” since most girls who experience hellish torment have screwed themselves up and created a situation in which they really feel uncomfortable. The doctor will explain how to breathe correctly and how to behave after contractions begin. He will explain all the benefits of water birth, shower birth, partner birth, etc. The gynecologist will share his experience and convince you that there is nothing to be afraid of. Similar courses should be taken by all women who give birth for the first time. It is better to get all the necessary information from a good specialist than to gain fragmentary knowledge from videos on the Internet.
