Hysteria in a child 1.5, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 years old: what to do, Komarovsky’s advice

When a child reaches the age of 3, many parents are faced with a problem that they did not know about before - frequent children's tantrums. Ignorance and misunderstanding of the reasons for the hysterical behavior of children, as well as the impasse on how to behave in such moments and stop the child’s frightening behavior, become the cause of panic for many mothers and fathers. Advice from a psychologist will help you understand the reason for this behavior in 3-year-old children, how to deal with hysterics and prevent them in the future.

What is hysterical behavior

During a hysterical attack, the child cannot control himself and his emotions. He convulsively falls to the floor, screams, sobs, hits his head against the walls and floor, makes waving movements with his legs and arms. His condition can be called an extreme degree of nervous excitement, and at the time of the seizure the baby does not respond to the persuasion of adults, does not perceive the usual beliefs and words of the parents.

The manifestation of hysterical behavior can be explained by the fact that the child does not fully receive what he needs, or cannot do something on his own. At the age of 3, many children do not yet have developed speech skills, and therefore cannot adequately express their desires. And also, three-year-old children do not yet know how to restrain their excessive emotionality.

According to medical practice, frequent hysterics in a 3-year-old child is a problem in 90% of families. Precursors of this behavior can appear at the age of 1-1.5 years and last up to 3.5-4 years. Hysterical behavior is considered as a result of the child’s unstable psyche, as a character trait, or as a way of manipulating parents in order to achieve what they want.

Thus, constant hysterics in a 3-year-old child is an emotional response that arises in response to prohibitions, misunderstanding on the part of parents, or a way to get something the child really wants. Most often, hysteria is accompanied by irritation, excitement, anger and aggression; all these feelings can be directed both at oneself and at others.

Demonstrative hysteria is characterized by increased emotions and aggression when outside attention appears.

Hysterics associated with the crisis of three years

Even if the crises of one or two years passed “smoothly,” it is almost impossible not to notice the crisis of three years. The child is aware of himself as an individual, strives to defend his opinion, but does not know how to compromise. The child strives for increasing independence and “separation” of himself from his parents. Failure to satisfy these needs leads to hysterics.

It is important to let the child calm down, and then discuss his actions with him, without scolding or punishment, teach him to express his feelings, and seek compromises.

According to Vygotsky, the age of three is a state of war with the outside world. Negativism and manifestation of integrity, attempts to protect one’s “I”, to defend independence. It is important for parents to show patience and restraint, treat their child with respect, and teach him to accept refusals and find compromises.

If a tantrum occurs in front of “spectators,” you need to take the child aside, stay alone with him and give him the opportunity to shout and express anger and resentment. And then discuss his behavior.

Tendency to hysteria depending on the type of nervous system

The structure of a child's nervous system is a quality given at birth. It is the responsibility of every parent to study the characteristics of their children in order to choose the right parenting strategy and the best behavioral tactics. Proper upbringing of a child will help him in the future to become self-confident, choose the right path and be a stress-resistant, strong person.

There are several types of nervous system in children:

Weak

This type of nervous system is characterized by slow processes of excitation and inhibition in the brain. Such children are often touchy, emotional, and vulnerable. They have difficulty making contact with peers, are shy and not sociable. The self-esteem of such children is low, they react sharply to stressful situations and conflicts in the family.

A child with a weak type of nervous system can easily be enraged, but he will not show violent emotional reactions until the very end. But in a state of hysterical attack, such children completely lose control over themselves, become uncontrollable and inadequate. They do not have a good appetite, have problems sleeping, many of them sleep with their parents, as they are characterized by night tantrums.

In raising such a child, parents need to be patient, constantly praise him, hug and caress him, communicate as equals, listen and involve him in household chores.

Strong

The processes of excitation and inhibition in the brain in such children are balanced. A child with a strong type of nervous system is almost always cheerful and cheerful, easily communicates with others, and for the appearance of hysterical behavior he needs a good reason.

Conflict situations with parents and peers arise extremely rarely for such children; they sleep and eat well, willingly participate in various clubs, but often change hobbies, because having figured out something, they immediately lose interest in the old hobby. Negative aspects in the character of such children are inconstancy, frequent breaking of their promises, and difficulties in maintaining a daily routine.

Unbalanced

The processes of excitation of the nervous system of such a child in the brain prevail over the processes of inhibition, so he is hot-tempered, easily excitable and emotionally unstable. A child can be put into a state of excitement by a new toy or a bright event. Therefore, such children sleep poorly and not soundly, often wake up and cry at night.

In a circle of peers, an unbalanced child tries to take leadership and be the center of attention and events. Such kids do not know how to finish what they start. When engaged in any business, they cannot stand even the slightest criticism, they can flare up, drop everything and leave, while getting angry and showing aggression. Parents of such children can be advised to be more flexible and patient, to teach their child to complete all tasks, to be restrained and obligatory.

Slow

This type of nervous system is characterized by delayed excitation and a predominance of the inhibition process. Children with a slow type of nervous system eat and sleep well from birth, they are calm, they can be alone for a long time and not suffer from this, finding their own entertainment.

Parents of such children are often surprised by their restraint, prudence and predictability. The child is slow, brings any task he starts to completion and does not like sudden changes in the situation. He is restrained in his emotions, so it is often difficult for parents to understand his mood. Advice is to encourage the child to take active actions that develop motor and speech activity.

Children with weak and unbalanced types of nervous system are most prone to tantrums at the age of 3 years. To exclude pathologies and congenital diseases of the nervous system, parents are advised to show the baby to a pediatric neurologist.

Causes

The older a child gets, the more needs and desires he has, which are not always supported by his parents. It is at the age of 3 that a child begins to show emotions violently and respond to prohibitions with hysterics.

You need to know about the main factors that cause violent, hysterical protest in children:

an attempt to attract the attention of parents and others;
manipulation in order to get what you want (a new toy, watch a cartoon longer, or stay up);
excessive stimulation of the nervous system due to lack of sleep or fatigue, hunger;
period of illness;
excessive severity of parents, excessive control and guardianship;
lack of reaction to the child’s actions on the part of the parents - praise for a good deed or censure for a bad one;
an attempt to be like one of your peers or relatives;
the child cannot express his dissatisfaction or desire in any other way;
improper upbringing;
parents do not give the child the opportunity to finish playing before bed or finish what he started;
lack of affection and attention;
the birth of a second child in the family.

Even if parents establish the true cause of their child’s frequent tantrums at the age of 3, they must understand that the child’s emotional sphere is not developed enough to stop in time and suppress the storm of excitement. The child cannot control his emotions, he is not capricious on purpose, but any misunderstanding or provoking factor can cause whims that develop into hysterical fits.

The main difference between hysterics and whims in a child is that the child begins to act up consciously. With the help of whims, the little manipulator tries to get his way; he can stomp his feet, scream and throw objects, but he controls himself, continuing manipulation until he gets what he wants or is punished.

Hysteria occurs involuntarily in a child, emotions cause a whole storm of indignation, during a seizure the child hits his head on the walls and floor, screams, sobs, many children are prone to the appearance of convulsive syndrome during a hysteria. Such convulsions acquired their name “hysterical bridge” because of the child’s posture - during a hysteria, he arches.

How to avoid children's tantrums?

Watch your child, you will very quickly notice what indicates an impending tantrum and what situations cause it. The most effective way to prevent it is to switch your attention to something entertaining and interesting. In addition, you can use the following tips.

Complete rest

Provide your child with proper rest. Follow a daily routine, especially if he throws tantrums in front of kindergarten or school. In most cases, this indicates a lack of sleep, because children do not know how to control the feeling of tiredness.

Conversations with a child

Clarify your child's feelings and thoughts. Talk to him about what he is upset about. For example, at 7 - 8 years old, hysterics can happen at school due to a conflict with classmates or a bad grade, after kindergarten at 4 years old - because of a toy that the baby did not share with another child, before bed or at night at any age - from -for pain or too bright impressions during the day.

Play time and independence

Provide your child with time for independent study and play.

Possibility of choice

Give your child freedom of choice. At 6 - 7 years old or 8 - 9 years old, he can already decide for himself what color T-shirt to wear.

Stages of tantrums

Children's hysterical seizures are characterized by the following stages:

Screams. This is the initial stage of hysteria, the child stops hearing anyone, he screams loudly, scaring the parents, but does not make any demands.
Motor excitement. Manifests itself by falling on the floor, hitting your head on objects, pulling out hair, etc. The baby does not feel any pain during this stage of hysteria.
Sobbing - the child cries loudly, sobbing and without stopping for a long time. His whole appearance expresses resentment and dissatisfaction. Since it is difficult for a child to cope with emotions, after the sobbing stage, he will sob for a long time, and the emotional state can be described as emptiness. After a tantrum, the baby may fall asleep during the day, but night sleep will be shallow and intermittent.

You can fight hysteria at the initial stage - the stage of screaming. If the child has crossed stage 2 or 3, conversations and attempts to calm down usually do not bring results.

How to stop an attack

Many inexperienced parents, faced with a similar situation for the first time, are interested in how to quickly stop hysterics in a child aged 3 years. The famous pediatrician Komarovsky claims that the tactics of behavior during a seizure should be as follows:

You cannot panic and demonstrate that the child’s hysterical behavior has greatly disturbed the parent. You need to try to remain calm and continue to do household chores, not paying attention to the screaming child. You can go to the next room, while being able to secretly observe the baby, but leaving him for a long time is not advisable, since he may be afraid that he has been abandoned. Reasoning and instructions during a hysteria are useless; the child will not understand anything, this will only aggravate the situation. Seeing that the child’s efforts to get what he wants by screaming do not bring results, he will calm down on his own.
It is not recommended to give up halfway; many mothers make this mistake, feeling sorry for the child and giving him what he asked for. This tactic is not only wrong, but also gives rise to new, regular relapses of hysterics in the child. Children are quite cunning and insightful creatures; they easily sense the weakness of their parents and skillfully manipulate it.
At the initial stage, when the child begins to scream, you can try to calmly find out the reason for his dissatisfaction, distract him with a game, a new object or an unexpected action. At other stages, these actions are usually ineffective.
You can try to hug the child, caress him, tell him about your love. If the child arches and does not allow himself to be hugged, there is no need to insist; it is recommended to let him go, while making sure that the baby does not injure himself.

Do not spank the butt, yell at the child or scold him for bad behavior during a tantrum. He still won’t understand anything, it will only intensify the explosion of emotions. The talking tactic will only work after the seizure ends. If a child is hysterical when entering kindergarten, and does not want to part with his mother, there is no need to hold him in your arms for a long time and say goodbye, it is recommended to leave the child with the teacher and leave quickly. This way the time of children's hysteria will be reduced.

Hysterics at night

Many parents notice that the baby began to throw tantrums at night at the age of 3 years, which were not observed before. The baby wakes up at night, screams, refuses to drink or go to the potty, and often the mother cannot even understand whether the child is sleeping or conscious while screaming.

There may be several reasons:

excessive excitement - frequent visits to guests, lack of daytime sleep, a lot of emotions experienced during the day;
the first weeks of visiting kindergarten - the child’s psyche is restructured, he experiences stress, which leads to nightly hysterics;
the birth of a second child in the family - during the day, a 3-year-old baby tries to restrain his emotions, and at night wakes up crying.

To improve night sleep and prevent tantrums, you need to understand the reasons that provoke them. It would be a good idea to show your baby to a child psychologist.

Hysteria in a 4-6 year old child

At this age, children do not just watch how adults behave and what they do. They begin to think and often take advantage of the fact that their parents cannot come to a common opinion regarding their upbringing. At 4-6 years old, the child already understands that something forbidden by his mother can be allowed by his father or grandmother. At this age, it is very important that parents do not compete with each other for the child’s love, but jointly fulfill the mission of raising him correctly.

Tantrums at this age are rare, since you can already talk to such children, discuss their problems and try to find a solution. If a child does not make contact with you, then it is better to seek help from a professional psychologist and read literature on raising children. Remember: how your baby will grow up depends only on you.

Chumachenko Olga, doctor, medical observer

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