In the first year and a half of life, a child develops very quickly. This occurs due to growth spurts. During such leaps, both the physical and mental abilities of the baby change dramatically. But at the same time, they are usually accompanied by whims and changes in behavior. The next leap can be expected in 17–18 months. It may seem to the mother that the child, who was so calm and smiling just yesterday, has today turned into a hedgehog and throws hysterics for any reason. How to help a child survive a crisis while keeping parents calm?
How does a 1.5-year-old crisis manifest itself in a child?
During the previous leap, the baby learned to decide what he wants, what to play, where to go for a walk. Now he realized that everyone around him is part of a certain system and follows certain rules. He is also part of the system - the family. He is different from other children, his parents are different from the parents of other children. However, now he understands that his actions have consequences, and not every wish he has is in a hurry to be fulfilled by adults. Of course, this upsets him, so he tries to defend his rights.
During this period, the foundations of values, norms and conscience begin to form. Therefore, in order to raise a kind person, you should start investing in his upbringing now. Soon you will notice that the baby begins to act differently in familiar situations. He looks at other people - how do they communicate, how do they behave? First of all, parents need to monitor their behavior and actions, because she is always the main example for their child.
Signs of a crisis
- The baby’s mood becomes changeable, he throws tantrums for no reason, is capricious, and whines.
- Sleep gets worse.
- Appetite may worsen.
- Constantly demands attention and wants to be entertained.
- He is jealous of his mother, and he can even be jealous of his father or grandmother.
- Requires more affection, began to prefer soft toys to others, and asks to be held.
- Reacts worse to familiar and favorite games.
Crisis of a 3 year old child
If the baby shows negativism, disobedience, stubbornness and self-will, it means that he has entered a critical period. The child begins to oppose himself to the adult. I want to decide everything myself and do everything myself. When an adult asks for something, the opposite action follows.
There is a protest against the demands. The baby seems stubborn, but this stubbornness is caused by the desire to be heard and the desire to show that he also has his own opinion, which should be taken into account.
This is the age when will, independence, and independence are formed. The essence of the child’s new behavior pursues certain goals:
- the child wants to bring his actions to the final result, even despite obstacles; - he wants to demonstrate his successes to an adult, without whose reaction these successes largely lose their value; - at this age, self-esteem intensifies - resentment increases , emotional outbursts often arise over little things.
How to get out of this crisis?
1. You need to understand that your baby behaves so badly not because he is actually “bad”, but because he does not yet know how to do otherwise. But, of course, understanding alone is often not enough to cope with hysterics. Therefore, it is necessary to prepare in advance for possible conflicts.
There is no need to do anything until the child has completely calmed down. Most likely, you have already found several ways to calm your baby. Some people ignore such outbursts of negative emotions. But still, it is best to stop the brewing hysteria simply by switching attention. Three-year-olds are very easily distracted, and a new toy, story, or suggestion to do something else can stop the tantrum and save your nerves.
2. Encourage your baby to be independent. Let him make mistakes, but it’s okay, because they happen before your eyes. But then, in adult life, he will avoid many serious problems. It has been noted that when parents limit or ridicule a child’s desire to be independent, the little person’s development goes wrong: will and independence are transformed into an acute sense of shame and insecurity. Determine for him the line that the child should never go beyond and in any situation, observe them. For example, you should not touch an electrical outlet, cross the road when the light is red, etc. In other cases, give your child the freedom to do as he pleases.
3. Give him the right to choose. Don't force him to do anything he doesn't want to do. Offer him an alternative and let him choose. You will remain calm, and the child will gain confidence that his opinion is taken into account. Stubbornness subsequently develops into will, into achieving the goal. And you are able to turn it in this direction, and not turn it into a “donkey” character trait for the rest of your life.
4. For a child at this age, play is important, which now serves as the main source of knowledge of the world for him. Introduce life topics for this game, participate, play roles, and your child will completely trust you.
How to cope with a crisis of 1.5 years?
During this period, the baby’s nervous system is in constant tension; there is no doubt that he is experiencing this crisis no less than his parents. How to survive this time with benefit for the baby’s psyche?
During this period, the child's sleep may worsen. It is difficult to put him to sleep and he is bothered by frequent awakenings. This is due to nervous tension and parents need to help the baby calm down in advance. If your child likes to walk, spend more time outside and play outdoor games so that the baby has time to expend energy.
In advance, at least an hour before bedtime, start warning your baby that he will go to bed soon. For example, say: now let's take a walk, go home, eat, change into pajamas and go to bed. Remind him constantly, perhaps when bedtime comes he will not agree with this, but tired and warned he will accept it more calmly.
During a developmental leap, the baby may demand more attention and ask his mother to constantly play with him. Take it easier, don’t think that you are following his lead, it will soon pass. In the meantime, spend more time with your child, play, offer new activities. Allow more. If he wants to eat himself, let him, even if most of the food ends up on the floor.
Of course, this does not apply to things that are prohibited and dangerous. And if he wants to play with a knife, no matter how many tears and hysterics there are, this cannot be allowed. If you couldn’t avoid tears, let your baby cry, but don’t leave him alone, caress him, tell him you love him. It’s okay, it’s natural and sometimes a child needs to cry. Distract, interest. For example, if he doesn’t want to go for a walk, tell him that pigeons want to play with him outside. If he doesn’t want to go home, remind him that his favorite toy is missing at home.
The main thing is that the mother must remember that a developmental leap indicates that the child is growing and developing normally. And you just have to help him survive this period and learn new things. Therefore, it is important that the parents are calm, the child feels it and calms down himself.
What to do with your baby?
During this period, the child may like:
- dance,
- play hide and seek, catch up,
- play role-playing games with soft toys,
- play with balloons and soap bubbles,
- play with a ball,
- climb on various objects,
- feed the birds,
- glue stickers, draw, sculpt.
The duration of the crisis may vary for each child; it usually passes within a month. When this period ends, you will see that the baby has become calm and cheerful again. Now, in familiar situations, he behaves differently. He is more interested in other children and has learned to show compassion and empathy. But you need to be patient, the crisis of one and a half years is just a rehearsal for a more serious restructuring of the child’s psyche - the crisis of 3 years.
Why does a child have a 5th year crisis?
At the age of 5, a child is very strongly overcome by one desire - to be an adult. From this desire and aspiration flow all the symptoms and causes of the crisis:
- A little person can talk, fantasize, and express his feelings. Against this background, his desire to become “big” awakens, but this is not yet possible. Imitating adults, eavesdropping, spying on them - this is typical for a five-year-old child. There is a conflict between internal desires and real possibilities. The child is disappointed, and therefore angry, unbalanced, and aggressive.
- There is an active biological development of the cerebral cortex, which affects the quantity and quality of emotions. A five-year-old child learns to express and control his emotions. And until he masters this art, adults need to be more patient.
- The child begins to understand that there are gender differences between people. He feels the differences between the sexes and tries to understand himself in this context. This leads to isolation.
- A five-year-old child exhibits the ability to fantasize and form his own personal opinion about the world, life and people around him. The beginning of awareness of oneself as an individual leads to the fact that the child cannot always find an explanation for his thoughts and feelings, and therefore whims and hysterics are likely.
- The desire to communicate with the children who surround a five-year-old child awakens. Interest in peers, curiosity and thirst for learning can only aggravate the crisis, because the child does not always get what he wants.
- The baby becomes familiar with the feeling of loneliness, because often he has no one to share his feelings and emotions with.
Parents and relatives of the baby need to be patient and create comfortable living conditions for him. Don’t rush to register your child with a psychologist; try to cope with the crisis yourself - strangers will only aggravate the complexity of this difficult period.
The crisis of five years in children can begin suddenly and end in the same way. Its duration depends on the individual characteristics of the child: from several weeks to a year. The process can occur almost imperceptibly, and sometimes strong changes in the psyche and character of the child are visible. The task of parents during a crisis is to surround the baby with care, affection, attention and love.
Other tips
One of the biggest fears for 5-year-old children is the death of their parents. The topic of death can be very sensitive even for adults. However, if you see that your five-year-old is afraid of death, if he asks questions about whether his family will leave him, then be sure to talk about it. You don't need to go into too much detail, just say that people tend to live long lives and you're going to take every precaution to keep your loved one as long as possible.
There is a saying: development comes from a point of peace. In relation to a child, this means that if the baby is calm in the family, if he is not tugged at, forbidden, and is not constantly pulled in the direction the parents want, then the baby calmly grows and develops at his own pace. All that is needed is the love of parents, communication with family and others, security and, from time to time, adventures and surprises.
Allow or deny?
The baby begins to use tears and screams in order to achieve the desired result. In psychology, this is called manipulative crying. Of course, this unsettles the parents; they are ready to do anything to stop these heartbreaking screams.
However, manipulative crying is a necessary and natural stage in the development of a little person. In this way, he tests how strong the social framework is and what can be achieved by crying. The baby must have some prohibitions and limits on his desires. Permissiveness is difficult not only for parents, but also for the child himself. However, there must be clear logical grounds for any prohibitions. Prohibitions may concern things that pose a danger to life and health; they may be related to your work or something that is very dear to you.
If there are too many prohibitions, some of them are no longer observed. In this case, it is quite possible that the child will decide to violate exactly the prohibition that will be the most important for you. It is much easier to regulate a child’s behavior by simply removing prohibited things from his sight.
The famous English psychoanalyst Winnicott noted that if a mother left a bag of buckwheat on the floor and an eight-month-old child immediately scattered it, the mother, rather than the child, should be blamed for this. Winnicott advises that the drawers accessible to the baby should contain only those things that he is allowed to touch. You can even leave some “safe” drawers open. In this case, the child is unlikely to have a need to climb into the sideboard with your ceremonial service.
Crisis 2–3 years
“Independence or uncertainty?”
Children learn to walk, control their bodies: they get used to using the toilet, eat at a common table and gradually become more and more independent. And this “freedom” attracts them: they need to touch, grab, scatter everything, that is, study. Children become capricious and demanding because they want to understand how to control their parents, how to make sure that they continue to fulfill all their desires. But parents have another task - to teach their child to manage not the world, but himself. Go to the potty yourself, eat yourself, be able to stop yourself, hear your parents’ “no,” and respond to prohibitions and restrictions. This is a difficult time.
Demanding two-year-old “terrorists” need reasonable restrictions, when “no” is always “no”, and an adequate degree of freedom. Parents should be patient and wait while “I myself” washes his hands, sweeps with a broom, and opens the door with the keys. This is how self-confidence is born, the first “I can!” and independence. As a result, the child seeks to control himself rather than manipulate his parents. But the search for the “parental button” is typical for all three-year-olds, so it is very important not to go too far with punishments, not to show physical aggression, not to shame the child, not to humiliate him, because so far he knows very little.
The tougher you “drive” rules into him, the more often you blame him for wrongdoing, the more criticism and ridicule he receives for “slobs” and “dirties,” the more insecure and uncontrollable a person may become in the future. Such an adult will be forced to argue with rules and laws, prove his right to respect, and see a threat to his dignity in any sideways glance and order from his superiors. The roots of despotism, aggressiveness, and total uncertainty also often lie in this period.
Me myself!
The crisis of the first year is characterized by the following signs :
- “difficulty in educating” – the child does not seem to hear your words and requires increased attention;
- the desire to do everything yourself increases sharply;
- the baby reacts sharply to comments;
- whims become more frequent in seemingly empty places.
However, the main problem of the first crisis is that parents have not yet had time to adapt to the new leap in the growth and development of their child. To them, he still seems like a little fool for whom they must make all decisions. If yesterday he was content with the rattle that his parents hung over his crib, then today he definitely needs to get his father’s computer mouse, his mother’s cosmetics and his older sister’s favorite porcelain doll.
The first reaction of adults is to ban! However, the manifestation of independence (and with it whims, tears, scandals) are not at all signs of bad character and spoiled behavior. This is how your baby grows up. Behind every action he takes (which sometimes seems dangerous or senseless to adults) there is a serious reason.
“But please don’t lose your sense of humor!”
Many conflict situations can be avoided if you use a sense of humor, creativity and the ability to play. Your main task is to direct your energetic energy into a peaceful channel, and find an adequate replacement for dangerous or unacceptable aspirations.
For example, in the kitchen, where there are so many tempting adult things, like a hot frying pan or sharp knives, you can find no less attractive, but much safer plastic bowls or a basket of onions and garlic - let him take it apart and put it back again. You can also give out a small unbreakable plate with a handful of boiled rice or vegetables. Let the child place dolls and bears around and treat them. Here you have the development of a story game, fine motor skills, and half an hour of free time for mom at the same time.
Instead of a stepladder, which, like a magnet, pulls the baby towards itself, you can offer a stable small stand on which you can climb on and off again.
The consequences of “ugly food” can be minimized if you replace the elegant tablecloth with a practical oilcloth, and tie the baby a large rubber bib with a “trough” for crumbs that didn’t end up as intended and hand him a spoon. Of course, at best, half of the food will end up in his mouth, but he will eat HIMSELF!
Doesn't your baby like useful toys with geometric holes into which you can put the necessary figures? But you can’t tear him away from the washing machine, where the laundry is spinning in a mad whirlwind. Try loading and unloading the washing machine with your baby; usually children really like to put laundry in the window of the machine and then pull it out. A one-year-old toddler can already help you in this difficult task. At the same time, talk about what the clothes are called - panties, T-shirt, shirt, dress.
Does your child behave disgracefully in the bath - he breaks out, flatly does not want to bathe? But maybe he will agree to give his duck or doll a bath?
Sometimes the baby has to do something he doesn’t like at all. Well, this is the lot of a growing person. Do you always do only what you want? Try turning an unpleasant procedure into a game. For example, the doctor ordered inhalations for a sore throat. Pour a hot chamomile decoction or soda solution into a large bowl or basin, lower the lit floating candles into the water and, covering yourself with the baby with a towel, look at them. If he is scared under the towel, then he will have to move to a well-heated bathroom. There you can float paper boats in a basin with a healing solution, blowing on them with all your might.
In order to soothe chilled hands, you can wash the doll dishes together in a large bowl of hot water.
